To Conclude

To conclude.

It is always easy to conclude victories. Never mind the mistakes as they still led to victory. They were still right.

Along every step is sweetness and glory. Nothing feels better than having done something right. You have come so far...

Defeats are very different to rationalize and describe. In the immediate aftermath each page is filled with emotion and a uncontrollable sense of 'what-ifs'.

At this stage every sentence in the pages saps your will. Every word you read forces your mind to think back the entire venture over again.

Everything seems wrong. Your long term policies, your recent tactical moves, and every single thought that had ever crossed your mind throughout the venture feels damning.

While everything about your conqueror seem right.

You are forced to live life with the chains of defeat weighing heavily upon your every step.

Every word you say burns with the guilt of your defeat, every venture you design clangs loudly with the chains of defeat.

It feels like hell, just that it is not eternal.

I know the flames of guilt and emotional blame will die down soon. Painful it may be to have your will replenished and sapped all the time, but with the right motivation the supply of will is indefinite.

The impetus to recover is indefinite.

The chains will lose their strength and unshackle you eventually.

There will come a time when it is fair to evaluate this event all over again.

By then the important question is not who is right or wrong. Moral considerations will make you feel better, but it doesn't prevent future defeats from occurring.

The most important question is what went wrong? What should I do or change so that this never occurs again?

And I for one should be more used to defeats to those around me. Throughout my late teen years I've all learned things the hard and costly way.

But with each defeat I master it a bit more. It is my way to compensate for a tendency to get things wrong, especially on my first attempts.

~~~~~~

I can't face you like the way I used to again. The weight of my mistakes weighs down my lips every time we talk. The shadow of my failure makes me hard to lift my head to look into your eyes again.

Though you are still the same, or pretending that things are unchanged, I can't help but to burn in uncontrollable guilt of me failing you.

My failure to get it right,

I can't help but to turn away...