Two Sides

Dreams, the stuff of our desires and ambitions.
It flows together with our blood.
Guiding our every move.
It makes sure we don't stop.
That we will have somewhere to go.

What gives us dreams?
Is it the recognition of our Self?
The understanding of what we like and what we can do.
Despite all the obstacles we see before us, we yearn to climb higher.
The will to be better.
The pursuit for happiness.

Chasing our dreams can be intoxicating.
Like a drug we come back for over and over again.
Even when the very act of pursuing it does us harm.
Sometimes reward lies at the end of perseverance.
And in the others, nothing lies at the end.

A dream that is a dead end.
How do we know it is?
Are we able to accept it and get out of it?
Or is it more comfortable to carry on the intoxication?
It is like getting stuck down a deep black hole.
It sucks to be down here.
But the thought of the amount of effort needed to climb back up is perhaps more daunting.
At the end of the day we're still stuck in the hole.
Its still dark everywhere.

Perhaps I am beginning to understand what others have told me a long time ago.
How they all are afraid to dream.
Or have given it up altogether.
The fear of disappointment seem to be the greatest obstacle of all.
The great complexity of weaving our way through the deep maze.
To identify what is right and worth.
The strength and will to try and be wrong.
It is taxing.
It is tiring.

I want to dream again.
It is almost a calling.
Just be like before, without fear and barrier.
Perhaps be intoxicated by the pursuit of dreams again.
But it is never like the same again.
Things have changed.
Many things have been proven wrong.
Optimism is no longer just a simple choice.
There are a lot more to consider now.

I am stuck in this great contradiction.
The need and desire to dream.
While not able to ignore the lessons learnt from the past.
Both are valid, and one can do without neither.
Ultimately it still comes down to this very basic question:
How do we dream?

With nowhere to go.
Formidable walls arise from all sides.
Perhaps time will answer some of that.
Time will run its course.
It will teach us more things.
The old childish self will slowly ebb away,
As one slowly learns how to shed his faults to take on new Truths.

Is it all painful?
Not really.
Perhaps more frustrating.
Never submit to dead ends.
There is always a way out.
Even when one has to fundamentally do it alone.
Things will eventually become clear.

Perhaps this is the ever-continuing quest of growing up.
There is always something to improve or learn.
New things to handle or take up.
Frustrating or not, it still must be done.
Just so the pains of the past can be put to rest.