Being Ordinary

How do we live an ordinary life?
What is ordinary?
It it really that easy to live a normal life?
To know how to live it, one must know what it is.

There are so many things out there.
So many lights, laughs and excitement.
Can I trade all of that for an 'ordinary' life?
But it all goes back to the one point again:
What is ordinary, and how does one live an ordinary life?

I used to have many things.
I dreamed of many more.
I had some of them for a while.
But not meant to have them, I have to forgo them.
To forgo your dreams, that is painful.
But if they are dreams that are not meant to be,
Perhaps it'll be easier after all to let them go?

It is like stopping a speeding train.
Once traveling at a high speed, it packs so much energy.
But now it no longer has use for all this speed.
It must slow down, but that energy must go somewhere.
To suddenly live an ordinary life, that is painful.

We are all taught to be extraordinary.
That is to live life to the fullest.
But who we are, and what are we made of?
What is the furthest that we can go?
Of course we must try it out.
But how do we balance that with the need to protect ourselves?
That part is not easy to define,
The balance between trying and preserving oneself.

Then after a while we may realize,
That an extraordinary life may not be for all of us.
The extraordinary life we were told we must have and strive for.
Perhaps it is all a dream, a fantasy made believable.
But most importantly, perhaps it is just not time yet.

To realize our dream they must first be viable,
And it must be the right time for us.
Once these two criteria are satisfied does our determination to achieve it matter.
No use chasing what is physically or logically impossible.
No use chasing it when it is the wrong time to have it,
And as a result, even lose it after we have it.

Perhaps in this case, this is how an ordinary life should be:
It is not that we can dream no more.
But we simply need to wait till we are capable enough, and when the time is right.
It is not that we are not what the world wants.
But perhaps it is just that we need to find our place in it.
And not be obsessed by what they tell us how to live life,
But to find out how should we live life.

To be ordinary is scary.
But to be extraordinary without the means to sustain it,
That is pure foolishness.
Nothing more than a childish dream.
Nothing more than the stuff of movies.

This push for greater rationality, it was meant to be comforting.
Yet the more I push, the more painful it was.
Then I realized, it is I myself who have yet to let go.
To let go of something that is no longer there.
Because what ever that is in me is not ruled by reason,
Therefore reason has no use against it.
It can keep on waiting,
But I can't.
The pain becomes too unbearable.
I have tried my best to hold it for so long.
But I can no longer do it anymore.

To say one wants to find the courage to be ordinary.
But perhaps courage is too great a thing for me.
It is easier to find the reasons to be ordinary,
And let that reason guide me.
That I think, is a stronger and more robust foundation than courage.

I can no longer look back anymore.
It is too much.
And there are other things waiting for me.
That perhaps is a good enough reason to finally be ordinary.