Strangers Again...

I wished on my birthday that all my loved ones will live happy in what is true.

Let us not fall for happiness built upon shallow things.

Happiness that falls when put to the test.

That we will be happy by accepting what is bad in this world, knowing that evil and despair will always exist side by side with what is good.

Happiness lies not in creating a Utopia absent of evil and darkness.

But rather, it is found by choice and will.



Perhaps my wish did indeed came true...



I knew that certain issues exist.

I knew they will come up one day.

I was also confident that what we had was strong and capable of holding fast, at least in the common challenges that may occur in our lives.

And even when the going really goes beyond what we can handle now, there is always communication.

The most fundamental element so prided by us, one that will take us to the right paths in future, and solve problems when they do arise.

I just never expect it will end up this way.

I never expect we'd give up so easily.



One day we were in blissful contentment.

And in the other we were gone.

Strangers again.

One we will avoid with great eagerness.



How can it just be gone like that?

Especially with such speed?

Have all the times we had in the past just vanished without a trace?

Replaced by nothing but guilt and hopelessness?

Though we had been through much together, we have just barely began.

In this road to the long-term.

And there is even more we will come to walk together.

More things we will learn about each other and about life.

And yet in a blink of an eye, all vanished without a trace.



You have told me countless of times how inferior you felt with me.

That you thought I deserve someone better.

I tried to make you feel that you are the best by making you feel treasured.

Perhaps all it did was to make you feel even lonelier.



All that is left now are a few old movie tickets, the little things we had for each other, and memories that are steadily fading away.

The places we have went together, some many times over.

The laughs we have shared.

The places we said we will go in future.

The food we have always wanted to eat together.

And the very long road we have thought possible for us to walk together.



It really pains me to take down the card you have made for me for our one month together.

It has always been beside my bed onboard ship,

giving me the smiles when I need them,

lifting me up when I feel tired and impossible.

Now all of these are gone.

And when I see it, I am only reminded of our solemn last goodbye.



I couldn't even get to say thank you for the big present you have shared for me.

One that will change my life in big ways.

Just like how you did when you first came.



You brought me out of the gray.

You showed me the Light.

Your smile brought me endless smiles.

Your infectious attitude towards life and all that was bad.

You gave me hope, and something that was worth treasuring in this steadily corrupting world.

And finally I don't have to spend endless weekends strolling the city streets alone.

And perhaps, I thought, someone who is finally here to stay.



I will miss the hand that held me wherever I go.

I will miss the warmth that greeted me whenever we got close.

The many things I have come to associate only with you.

How we met under extraordinary circumstances.

How we thought from here-on we are finally lifted from loneliness.

And that in this world of chaos and broken promises we have finally found a place we can treasure and enjoy peace.



Perhaps some of it was true.

Some of it came to have proven to be wrong.

But I still must say thank you.

You have shown me so much about life.

You have made me understood hope, love and strength like never before.

You opened my eyes to a world I thought was getting increasingly dark.

That given the right attitude, there is still hope for this world.



Our relationship was still young, I thought.

And we have began to really pick it up now.

It could have ended really differently.

We need not end it now.

There is so much we could have done to try.

Perhaps one day it will all be gone.

Or even reduce it to a level we are comfortable.

After-all we have all the tools required.

There is still so much we have yet to do together.

So much we have yet seen together.

Too bad we must give it all up now.



And for me, it is time to move on.

All these will serve as lessons for me and become useful for the future.

If I must to it all alone without you, then I will.

But all the things we have shared together, I will never forget.

You have given me the best few months I've ever had so far.

Thank you so much.



Yes it still hurts.

And it will for some time to come.

I will still look at places and think maybe we should visit them this coming weekend,

or watch this movie when we have the time.

Just that I will remind myself a while later that you are no longer here with me anymore.

Guess it will take some time for me to get used to it.

But all these will come to pass.

And I will stand tall again.


If by leaving gives you happiness, then perhaps it is the only way for my birthday wish to come true.

May you find a happiness that is greater than what I can give you.