Moving On...

Its hard to ignore that its now been one week.
The amount of things that comes to my mind have only been increasing.
I've been thinking about the past.
Reminiscing about those good times in the past.
And there were lots.
Thinking about what went wrong, from every possible angle.
At times I just lack the will to think about anything.
I'd let my mind run free.
Its the only way to let me relax, I think.


Why do I think so much?
Especially when it is something that has been most painful.
I believe there are lessons to be learnt, even more so from an event of such nature.
Something did went wrong. The question is, what and when.
How did it strike with such speed and ferocity?
How did something so blissful and stable suddenly capsized and sunk without a trace?
And the best time is now, when thoughts are raw and fresh.
So that when the initial mess is sorted out can we think about it with clarity.


When it comes to thinking, it is always about what is relevant.
There is the ever present danger of sinking into dangerous vicious cycles.
The ones that may produce unfavourable outcomes.
That we must avoid.


The past is as important as the future.
Whatever that has passed will shape our views for the future.
And we'd better be having the right ones for what is to come to prevent harm on ourselves and others.
Just because it has passed and unpleasant doesn't mean we don't give thought to them.
The Truth is present in both the good and the bad.


Of course I can choose the easy way out and just don't think about them.
It is possible.
But why waste a chance to derive useful lessons from it?
This is after all a pioneer experience.
If done right, we will learn a lot more about others and ourselves.
Understand that what is gone is gone.
The best we can make for it is to be better for the future.


There are random outbursts of memories that trigger negative responses within me.
Yes I am still trying to get used to it.
It may be bad, but it is within the norm.
Everyone is telling me I should be feeling worse than what I am showing.
But I don't know.
The last thing I want is to affect others with what is already affecting me
If I can solve it myself, I will.
I'll just keep it within myself.


Sometimes I'd wake up thinking that it is all a bad dream and things are actually alright.
But we all know what is the Truth.
I'd always wake up asking myself why did she leave.
I know these are all part of the norm.
Feeling bad is part of the package.
What's important is the understanding that we'll emerge from this better than before.


Now it is time to think about what paths to choose ahead.
The answer has always been clear, I thought.
We know what is right, and we must hold on to them.


It is up to me how I want to fill the void within me.
The road will be lonely as always.
But this is what we must go through.
Let us just take it as the rule rather than the exception now.
And maybe loneliness will teach us some more about life.
We'll incorporate the necessary changes along the way.
Understanding that more will come.
Yes, this segment of the past had been bleak.
But the future is exciting with change and new outlooks.
And these are enough to drive me on.


As much as I don't want to leave, it is high time to.
The house has been empty for a week now.
The memories of it have only served to reinforce the pain.
She's not going to come back, and its time to accept that fact.
Good memories they maybe, they are no longer of any use.
They will bring only continued pain.
It is time to finally step outside and move on to where we need to go next.


Maybe one day I'll be back again to think about us.
And hope by then I'll be strong enough to smile when I think of these again.
Time to finally lock the doors and say a silent goodbye.
I know things will be fine.