The Meaning of this Peace

I want to be a good Christian.

There are many types of good Christians.

I don't want to be the kind that emphasizes on differences between religions. I want to be the kind that spots the similarities among them.

I don't want to be the kind that holds God beside their tongues and just talk about deep theology or quotes from the Bible.

I want to discern the Bible and within it God's teachings, so that I can figure a way out how to do His will on Earth.

I want to translate those ideas into practical applications.

Because in these 2 years I was away, I've sinned a lot. I go contrary to His will to do my own will.

I left the Church to search for answers in life. I've always believed in God, but not the way the Church says He should be.

After going through much of the darkest places on Earth, I've come to rationalize the way things should be.

I stepped into the church and felt that deep sense of infinite peace that I've never had all my life. It filled my heart and energized my soul. It filled me with shame from all the sins I've done in the past 2 years.

This is what has eluded me all my life.

I want to be a better person. I want to be someone with good direction. I want to understand who is God.

I've searched for all these answers everywhere, but in all the wrong places.

The more I try to break down life into easily discernible pieces, the more I see the necessity for God to exist. The more I study science, the more I see those theories describing the way He works.

God has given me many things. He gave me good brains and thought structure, a very healthy body and a good family to grow up with. And now I found peace through Him.

I want to make sense of all these graces He has granted me, and exploit them so not only can I be a better person, but also to bring good on others.

I did not arrive here because of a sudden need for comfort. It is the end of a long, long road in the search for meaning.

At the end of a truthful confession the priest said to me "And here I forgive all your sins, in the name of Jesus Christ. Go and sin no more."

I wish I can describe to you exactly how comforting that felt...