Taking a Break, For Good.

To make it all work, it must be buried deeper and deeper.
Till it no longer has any trace.
Yet the irony is that the greater it is made taboo,
The greater the sting when traces of it are still found.
There lies a great contradiction.

I don't want to forget, because it is all so special.
Yet I cannot keep them any longer.
Therefore I want them forgotten.
The two great opposites fighting with each other.
But in the end I still must choose.

Since it is finally accepted that it no longer has any significance,
The only thing remaining is to bury the wreckage.
More than enough time has been spent studying them.
Grieving for what is lost.
Wishing for something that is now accepted to be gone for good.
The futility of it all.

No hatred, as things have been from the start.
They just need to be laid to rest.
Hidden from sight so the rest can move on.
And that is the final thing I can do.

The lessons have given the future something better.
No longer will the likes of such happen again.
Because we have learnt something new.
And because pain will remind us not to come here again.

At the end of it all, once it is all done,
I should just give myself a break.
For as long as I can.
And if things permit, I'll never want to set to work again.
I have studied everything for as much as I can.
Time to take a rest, for good.

A new phase of life awaits me.
I've been spending all these time at home.
Not venturing out much or far, unless necessary.
I just don't want all those reminders coming back.
Its been so long.
But it is a good place to heal.
Boring but safe.
Boredom that have been made productive in other ways.
And it'll stay this way, for as long as I need.

Its been too long, isn't it?
It has taken this long for reality to fully manifest itself.
No one can ever run away from reality.
No use negotiating with it.
It is what it is.
Eventually it all comes full circle.

Perhaps I am, as what was said, delusional.
It has taken this long to convince myself,
That I truly am.