The Front and Back End

Haven't really got much time to think deep about things these days.

Ever since I got posted to ship the demands on life have jumped dramatically.

Everyday I push myself to the limit, either by requirements of the training, or by my own effort to really pick things up fast.

Life after BMT in January have been too comfortable.

The greatest threat comes not from physical or mental exhaustion, but from threats of weekend confinement.

Come to think of it that wasn't really much.

At least we get to do our own things if we really do get confined.

Life at ship as an On-Job-Trainee (OJT) is really not easy, especially on an elite platform like the Frigates.

There are so many things to learn and be proficient at within these 2 months, and to do so simultaneously.

No amount of time in training school can prepare us for this. Things are all so different here.

No more learning about volcanic lava by reading about them from websites.

Now it is the real thing. It is standing right in front of you. Any mistakes and you get burned badly.

Fire-fighting, duties, navigation systems, ship crew recognition, general operations of the ship, and many more.

They are all so foreign.

The weight of all these hits you like a hard steel slab.

I was told that I was the best, by my instructors and my department on board the ship.

That is why I am posted here.

It is an honour I will never deserve.

I live and strive hard not for honour, but in part to fulfill the best in life.

And in part to not disappoint those who have given me such an honour.

From the moment you step on board ship till you leave its all about who can be the best sponge and absorb the most knowledge for the day.

You don't want to lack behind. Not because it affects anything, but the sooner you pass, the more more privileges you enjoy.

You don't want to end up being at the back end of the spectrum.

That alone is enough to spur me.

The Nav systems are quite easy. The more daunting ones are the firefighting and damage control segments.

One has to remember nearly every compartment on board the ship, and what sort of protection is offered for that room.

The location of all the necessary fire fighting equipments and so on.

It is s scary as it sounds.

But it is about finding the will to do it, and not whether is it all possible.

Others with a lot less have done it.

And they have done it under more testing circumstances.

My department is known to be the best in the entire squadron.

I am given a lot of privileges and respect, probably too much for an OJT.

And this has attracted a little negative attention amoung other trainees.

Yet precisely because I am given more space, must I push myself to learn more and at a greater speed.

I don't want to compare with anything.

I just want to stay focused and continue to be motivated.

That is the only thing that'll keep me afloat now.

I'm pushing myself to the limit everyday.

Be it the sleep I get, the amount of coffee I can take, the amount of things I can absorb, or my attention span throughout the day.

Not to mention things at the back end, family, social relations, and girlfriend.

Before the emotional sweetness or success can come, there must be a good system behind it, governed by sound fundamentals.

The demands at work may be great now, but I have to keep everything else intact, and seek progress for them as well.

It gives me great motivation to know that I'm training for the real thing now.

At least somebody appreciates the hard work.

At least I know if I do well it won't be for nothing.

Consider what is important and what is not.

What are the things we must do and push ourselves, and yet still retain the integrity of the system.

What are the things we should reduce or even let go.

I only have one shot to get it right.

Be it at front or at the back end.

I cannot rely on the goodwill and graces of others. They will soon run out.

If you are expected to be the lowest life form on board, just act as if you are really so. Things can never go wrong.

Just remember, there is a purpose behind everything.

So far things are going well.

The steel slab did not hit as hard as I thought.

The rest of the crew have a good impression of me.

That I must work hard to fulfill and maintain.

Things may be a little distant with my family, but I don't see it as out of the norm, with greater demands elsewhere away from home.

My brain is absorbing well. I also manage to keep myself well motivated. The mental integrity of the system is still there.

Always looking for ways to do and learn things better.

Always trying to push the limit.

Things are starting to settle down on the front end, and this will translate into greater stability of the back end as well.

Celebrated the first month anniversary with girlfriend yesterday.

It was really great, even though the time was short.

We could have made it better or go to places where it would be more fulfilling.

That is another issue altogether.

The most important thing is that we go through things together and always be there for each other.

So far she's been really supportive, despite the great level of uncertainty when it comes to plans.

Something perhaps I can learn from her.

No troubles so far from her, and the support the gives contributes greatly to things at the front end.

Trying to do her justice by giving as much as practical, yet not too much at the same time.

I hope I'm doing a good job so far.

Things are looking good. But that does not mean I will let down my guard on any front.

It is good to keep pushing myself to the limit, as this will prepare me for much greater things to come in future.

Be it during or after NS, or even for things in personal life.

The whole system is looking good. The cracks are appearing in places where I expect them to be.

Day by day I emerge a better person, knowing that I've managed to keep my sanity in the face of great demands.

And that things are all still fine at the front and back end.